HellooOoo!!
I want to continue from where I left my thoughts last week. If you want to read last week's issue first, click
here
. If you are short of time, no worries - this issue will still make sense.
The two voices in my head continued to struggle all Sunday and Monday morning. When an acquaintance who read last week's issue asked, "How are you, really?" I decided to answer the question honestly.
It was a conscious step to let myself acknowledge all that I was feeling. I recently learned that it's easier to let go of things when you don't avoid them and it had helped me in the last few months. However, this time, it was different.
I had a meltdown. My thoughts started to suffocate me. It felt as if I was choking. I cried. I cried a lot of silent tears. To let the hurdle out. Unfortunately, it didn't help.
When the acquaintance pointed out that there had to be a way out to end the loop of my thoughts, I knew I had to reach out for help. I needed to lay my thoughts bare in front of someone.
For me, writing is easier than talking when it comes to sharing my thoughts. In the last 5+ that I've put my feelings and thoughts in words, I've always found peace. So, I wrote it all down and sent to a friend. They expressed concern and offered support but the pain was so deep that I started to drown in it. I was losing hope.
I tried a lot to release the pain through my tears but a continuous mild headache started to take over. I feel that letting my thoughts flow freely was so difficult because my mind had been blocking them for quite a long time.
While the struggle continued, another friend asked how I was doing and I gave an honest reply yet again: "I am just okay. Struggling with my thoughts." They asked if I wanted to share and I had another meltdown.
When I shared my concerns with both of them, their questions allowed me to assess my thoughts. It slowly helped me calm down. The tears were drying. There were no more new tears.
I may have not progressed much with my problem even now but I am in a much better space. Talking out to you guys has helped me. So many of you reached out to check on me and let me know that I'm not alone -
I am here, for you and with you.
I'll be here if and when you want to talk.
We can work on it.
l know that you are brave enough to battle all the odds that come your way.
Keep going.
Proud of you.
Hope you go ahead in peace and happiness.
Trust yourself.
I believe in you.
I am falling short of words to express how grateful I am to each one of you who has been reading my thoughts for the last two months, sharing your own thoughts and your stories, and now, providing me with a safe space, sending me well wishes, giving me hope and believing in me. A big thank you from the bottom of my heart.
After a lot of avoidance now that I am trying to untangle my thoughts, I am realising that my problem is like an iceberg. Until now, I had been seeing the tip of the iceberg. As I reflected on different aspects of the problem, some forgotten memories were revived. This lead to me understanding that all the problems and incidents, whether big or small, I've experienced in the past are connected. They are all part of the same book.
I am hoping that letting it all out will eventually help me heal. I am not going to lose hope.
How are you?
Is there something that's bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?
Try and reach out to someone who you think will listen.
As always, I'm listening...if you want to share anything.
Yours
Saumya
Hi! I'm Saumya - a journalist, blogger and poet. Souls that Listen is a safe space for all. With Dear You, I hope to share our Dil ki Baatein...Dil se Dil Tak.
If you have any questions, suggestions or requests, feel free to hit the "Reply" button. I would love to hear from you! You can also write to me at soulsthatlisten@gmail.com
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Acknowledging thoughts and feelings is not easy but I am trying
Some times I go through moments where I feel like I'll be crushed by the emotions I'm feeling. Rationalizing, sharing them with others or trying to take my mind off them doesn't always help. In such moments, I find that sleeping on my feelings helps. I'm not sure why.