"Beta 10th karle, life set hai."
"12th karle, life set hai."
"Achhe college me admission lele, life set hai."
"Achhi job mil jaaye toh life set hai."
"Shadi karlo ab fir life set."
"Bachho ke baad life set hai."
Back in school, I had a plan. It failed. It failed so horribly that I am still collecting pieces of my broken self. Been more than 8 years. I am at a much better place today but still...
Studying literature was never my plan. I hated my course for about two years (just because I wanted to something else) but I ended up falling in love with it.
I took a break year after college and felt ashamed of telling people about it. When they would look at me with questioning eyes about what I was going to do with my life, I just didn't know what to say. I just gave a confused look while trying to assure myself that I'll figure it out soon.
Many of my classmates started to earn when I decided to take the "gap year". It was difficult. Everybody was on the run and I just decided to pause because I really didn't have a concrete answer to what I wanted to do in life. At that time, it seemed safer than taking another wrong decision.
That empty year on my resume when I pursued a long-lost dream and tried to explore my options saw raised eyebrows of employers. They didn't see how superbusy I was doing things just for myself.
I tried to convince them I was the right candidate for the job. I even succeeded in doing so in one place, but I rejected it. Something didn't feel right.
People still ask me how did I end up doing journalism. It used to be a random option once upon a time. I remember I was looking for masters courses that I could do (and journalism was not on my list) while doing some job. I somehow decided to study journalism. I feared I couldn't afford to lose another year trying to figure out my calling.
Months before the final exams of the journalism course, I would tell everyone that I am not going to take up a job in journalism. I was so sure about it. But when I was offered a job in journalism, I took it up.
Why?
I was doubtful about the work (because it's literally bizarre sometimes) I was going to do but I felt at peace about the working culture of the place.
I told myself- Life is full of compromises. You can't find out about a place's work culture just like that. You have experienced it here for 2 months during the internship. It suits you. So why not give this opportunity a try?
Within a few months into the job, I realised how much I enjoyed doing my work. It changed the always-worried me into a calmer person.
What was my first plan?
I wanted to become a software engineer.
And where do I see myself in 5 years?
Ummm.... I don't know. Yes, I still don't know. Just like always.
Yes, it's an unsatisfactory answer for many. But I can't really deny that it's the truth.
Oh, by the way, these days, I have been telling people I won't stay in journalism for long. Nope, there's no problem with my job. I am genuinely happy where I am today. But I just have the feeling that I will fly away to some distant land someday.
What keeps me going?
There’s a conversation on my gratitude list that has stayed with me all these years.
Them: So, what are your plans, Saumya?
Me: I don't know. Let's see. I'll take a break probably.
Them: Wow! That's great yaar. Not everybody gets a chance to do that.
Over the years, I have come to realise that it’s okay if I don’t have a plan. I am exploring the opportunities that come my way.
Do you have a plan? Do you not have a plan?
Do you feel anxious about your future? Or is there any other emotion that you experience when you think about it?
How are you dealing with that/those emotion(s)?
Feel free to share your feelings and thoughts. I'm listening...
Yours
Saumya
Hi! I'm Saumya - a journalist, blogger and poet. Souls that Listen is a safe space for all. With Dear You, I hope to share our Dil ki Baatein...Dil se Dil Tak.
If you have any questions, suggestions or requests, feel free to hit the "Reply" button. I would love to hear from you! You can also write to me at soulsthatlisten@gmail.com
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This is what I am going through rn I feel. Like I think I have a plan but I ain't that sure if this will work for me or not. But nevertheless hoping for the best:)
Good day Saumya!:)
This is so relatable. Feels like reading my story.