I need rest
Dear You #14
Ever felt guilty asking for a day off from work? I do. Almost every time.
I literally see myself spending hours and sometimes even days trying to prepare myself mentally to ask for a leave.
Ever since my cousin's wedding date was decided, I was all excited and had asked my manager 2 months in advance for a week's off. A month later, I was pretty much convinced that I'd go on my solo trip (which was also a workation) directly after the wedding.
I made an elaborate plan of the leaves I'd need and the shifts I'd prefer to work in. However, when it was time to ask for leaves, I was feeling all guilty.
"My plan has got extended for longer than I had expected," I told my manager in an apologetic tone.
We both opened the calendar and I began to ask for the dream break. It was 15 days long (including 6 working days).
Once I was done, my manager simply said that it would be done.
Was it that simple? Really?
Yes, it was. I knew my manager won't create any fuss about it. But then why was I so anxious about it?
A day before my solo trip was going to start, there was a change in plan. A third break was suggested and I instantly agreed to it. But when I realised I'd need to ask for yet another leave on the day I'd finally travel back home, I began to get anxious all again.
As expected, my manager approved that leave too. No questions were asked. (Thank you, dear manager!)
After returning from the 18-day break, I tried to get back into the routine. But it was difficult. I had an upset stomach. I somehow managed to survive till the weekend.
I thought the rest I took on my weekly offs helped me recover. However, as soon as the second week started, I started to feel exhausted. I decided that I'd stop running and start walking. On the fourth day of the week, I saw myself crawling. I literally dragged myself to somehow complete the shift.
There was something wrong - I hadn't been able to get back into my routine after the long break. I wasn't able to give my body the time it needed to adjust back. So, it decided to throw its tantrums. It gifted me such a high temperature that it was impossible to get out of bed.
I asked for yet another day's off from work - this time without feeling guilty and laughing at myself with pity.
A lot of medical tests were done over the weekend. Fortunately, it wasn't Covid. I'm still on the medicines and more tests will be done soon to ensure that I've recovered.
What I re-learned in the last one month is that leaves, breaks and rest are not something that I need to earn. I deserve them.
While I am fortunate that I've got an understanding manager that a lot of people don't get, there is a big problem.
Being in the field of journalism, there are days when the world is celebrating a festival and I find myself working. I don't have any regrets about it - I chose this field.
The problem lies here:
- when I think twice before taking a compensatory off for working on a holiday
- when I try to tell my mind that I can manage for a day or two and then take that leave (I have in my leave account) so that me taking an off doesn't hinder the weely offs of my teammates.
- when I decide to stay in bed all day on my weekly off because my body hasn't got rest for ages but I decide to give it up because there's an emergency.
- when I don't find it okay to ask for more leaves soon after coming back from a long break.
The list is too long.
We have all been taught that taking rest means you're not being productive. What we forget is that taking rest helps you rejuvenate. We don't have to earn rest. We deserve them. I'm not sure for how long this lesson is going to stay with me.
When was the last time you took the rest you deserved?
If it's been long, remind yourself that it's Sunday today and take the rest you need.
With love ❤️