No filters, no judgements

Dear You #15

I'm struggling with a lot of emotions.

"Hey, that's not something new!" - My mind is telling me as I start to write this issue.

Yes, it's not. But this time, there's something different.

I am opening up about my emotions, thoughts and struggles.

When a friend read last week's issue, they sent me an audio message, "Saumya, are you okay?" They paused for a while and said, "I want to know more."

I asked, "Know more about what?"

They replied, "Nothing specific."

"Ya... there's kinda something," I hesitatingly typed and wondered if I should press the send button.

And a few moments later, there was a meltdown.

It wasn't easy. I talked to them about something for which I've been cruelly judging myself for nearly a month now. Something which I shared with a couple of more people - one couldn't understand and made fun of it, another gave some decent advice.

soulsthatlisten

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This friend gave me a more comfortable space, one that I was unsure of when I began to share my story. We all fear getting judged.

But I ended up sharing a lot more than I had expected.

What came as relief was that I wasn't alone. They had struggled with similar stuff.

They shared their story. And apologised for telling me a lie some time ago. Now that I'm writing this, I recall I had told them earlier that day, I hate when people lie to me. However, in this case, I didn't feel the need for an apology. The scenario here was different - they were trusting me with their story, how could I be angry?

We have given each other the space to be our true selves - no filters, no judgements - several times. And being vulnerable in front of each other is a whole new experience every time.

soulsthatlisten

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This time, we found the space that we had been yearning for years. We never had friends with whom we could discuss the shushed topics.

Sharing has helped me accept myself a little more.

Sharing has made me more comfortable in my own skin.

Sharing has helped me heal.