There's a picture from my childhood that captures a very special moment - Me receiving an award in school.
We literally had to spend days to get our hands on this picture. It never arrived at my school. From getting the number of the photographer who clicked it and going to his shop to scanning the negatives and finally getting the right picture developed. I remember I was the one who identified the little me in the pool of negatives of the pictures the photographer clicked on that day.
I should love it, right?
Unfortunately, I've somewhat disliked this photo for years - because of the fact that I was wearing specs in it. I don’t even know when I started disliking it.
I remember I wore specs for around a year when I was in primary school. Pictures from that period have never been on the list of my fav photos.
I had to start wearing specs a little over a year ago again. I was a little conscious of wearing them again. I was also worried about getting into the habit of wearing them all day long every day.
My family and a couple of other people have told me several times that I look good in them. The specs turn all the mischeivousness on my face into innocence. However, it has been pointed out sometimes how I have started to get marks on my nose because of them.
Wearing specs while working has been okay with me, but I felt a little anxious wearing them after work, especially while going out to meet people.
“Hey, you look different!” - I hear a lot of people say when I meet them wearing specs for the first time.
I take off the specs, give them a huge smile and go on to ask, “Do I look like your Saumya now?”
"Haha, yeah! Something was just different and I didn’t know what!”
I have tried and I continue to try to make wearing specs a habit. (Don’t worry, I have a veryyyy minor number and I wear them majorly as blue light screen protector).
This Thursday, I decided to wear specs while meeting a friend. (You see, how wearing them doesn’t come unconsciously to me even after a year?) The friend happens to be someone who loves capturing moments in photos just like me. But I little did I know that I’d become their subject. And of course, I was very conscious.
Nope, not just because of the specs. There was much more.
I've always preferred staying behind the camera or maybe I should say I've always believed so. I've never had friends who would enjoy clicking my pictures. Also, I prefer capturing what my eyes see and not how I look in the moment. As I write this, I realise their eyes saw me (Oops! moment).
Anyway, I let them click whatever they wanted, thinking that I'll just find a chance to delete the ‘bad’ pictures from their phone. When I got one, I did exactly what I had planned. In fact, I went to the extent of telling them to not retrieve the pictures from the recycle bin and immediately regretted saying it realising that I was giving them the idea if it was not there on their mind.
But a few moments later, I noticed something. I didn't look that ‘bad’ with the specs. And above that, I can get good pictures with specs. And this realisation was so big for me that I ended up repeating it to my friend at least 5-6 times (or maybe more).
The result? I let them keep all the pictures they clicked after that.
I spent the rest of the week scrolling through the pictures again and again, alternately finding some or the other defect in myself in every other picture and loving each one of them for yet another reason. More importantly, I didn’t delete any of them.
And now, I’ve been wondering, if I can love the dimples I get when I wear my smile, why can’t I be okay with the marks on the nose I get from wearing specs. A while ago, I jokingly told myself - they are the dimples on my nose.
I'm not sure if I'll be comfortable getting clicked with specs in the future, but I'm definitely not going to be conscious about wearing specs anywhere and everywhere. And as for that childhood picture, I see myself as showering all the cuteness on the stage.
Do you enjoy getting clicked?
How conscious are you when you put pictures of yourself on social media? What is that thing that makes you conscious?
Feel free to share your thoughts... I'm listening...
Yours
Saumya
Hi! I'm Saumya - a journalist, blogger and poet. Souls that Listen is a safe space for all. With Dear You, I hope to share our Dil ki Baatein...Dil se Dil Tak.
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Totally relatable. I hate the way my specs bring out my nose. I almost never wear them.
I love getting clicked 🌟 but yes even I don't like wearing specs tbh. But I am planning to get new pair of glasses and would like to wear it for my shoots as well. This article shall resonate with me for quite sometime now:)